Frisking for life.

He doesn’t sleep very well in the nights. He wakes up at 1:46 every night and gulps down a glass of water.


He closes his eyes and tries to shut down the buzzing noise in his head. He works as a security guard at a mall. He frisks people at the entrance, his hands lingering over men’s chests and pockets.  No clouds of thoughts drift through his head as his hands hold their bodies. Just the buzzing noise.
When he closes his eyes, he can still feel the infinitesimally small curves of their waists, the slants of their arms and the tightness of their buttocks.

When he goes back home, he holds his wife close. Breathing through her neck, he searches for that cold place of comfort, long lost. Touching her fingertips, he helplessly gropes for the kindness of love. Kissing her lips, he smothers his face into the desert sand. Sometimes, he wonders if life has slipped out of his fingertips and found its home in the pockets, wallets and arms of strangers.

He doesn’t sleep very well in the nights. He wakes up at 1:46 every night and gulps down a glass of water. He brushes his wife’s hair and like a wave receding, a subtle sensation passes through his hands to his mouth.

Only the lifeless could quench his thirst.


You know who.

My friend,

Memories like jelly fish are kissing my brain to be enveloped to your home.

The sunlight outside is not as shiny as your eyes. The folds of light kiss my forehand like you used to.

Life has been strange. Stranger than the new born grass in the fields of our mind. New shoes are bought but our feet remain the same.

As you slowly wade through the thoughts of life(stream), I hope you find an island.

When you finger through words, masturbate often to poetry.

Life will find you in so many ways, I hope you’re ready when it crashes in your face and say ” Hello, where have you been ?” .

Nourish her, she is your momentary god.

Between the lines of her forehead, I hope you find the meaning of life.



[Artwork: 신모래]

Sighed Mornings.

I don’t like mornings. The first thing after I wake up is to grope around for the brightness option, if only I could reduce to goddamn zero. There is too much light in the world anyway.

I woke up at 5:30 AM. I was frustrated and a bit annoyed. The buzz in my head, the radio searching for a frequency. I was really annoyed.

Seeing no possibility of further sleep, I stepped out from my bed. Sleep is my break between thoughts. I don’t have long breaks. Most of the times sleep squeezes itself into my body.

Feeling a bit romantic, I peered through the window. The faint noise of early mornings. The sunlight hadn’t kissed the morning dew yet.

I put on my shoes and stepped out in to the road. Like a rusty bicycle, my bones began to squeak when I started walking.

Sucking in the light morning air, I walked slowly, my mind slowly dying down. The morning rays were gently waking up the trees and flowers. The wind murmuring the secrets of the night to them. Trees, laughing. A few sparrows circled the shrubs.  There were little puddles everywhere . Little flies were floating in them gleefully.

The  newspaper vendor, smoking a cigarette, driving his old car , hurriedly shuffled away newspapers towards the verandas of houses. Multi-tasking.
I smiled a bit inside.

I could smell the cold dampness of the soil. The earth was wrapped in the blanket of wetness. Holding it ever so tightly to its chest. The sunshine was making the fog disappear, from my mind.

Near a small flower, I saw something nibbling away. A small brown puppy. It had perky ears like of a fox. I do not know who was more excited to see each other. We ran towards each other like forlorn lovers. He came near my legs and I patted him. He started leaning on his hind legs. His ears twitched with the breeze. We started walking together. He nibbled at plants and anything that moved, much to the displeasure of some flies. I stopped ,he came and hugged my legs.

I kept on walking, making my way through puddles. Reflections.

I bent down and rubbed under his ears. He closed his eyes. Nirvana.

The road bent towards my house. He came close and licked my foot. Then he ran back. He didn’t turn his head back, he didn’t give me the last look.

I sighed and let go of my breath.The sun shone brightly and I squinted.


[ Artwork by Aleia Murawski ]



One Big Little Queer World !

Calvin : The philosophical Genius

Calvin : The philosophical Genius

Welcome to earth my friend , lo ! a wonderful planet !

Everyday I look in and around myself and find that the world is becoming stranger and stranger every moment . We live in a strange world :

Where we have to pay tax just to live on this planet . Clearly, the apex of absurdity . We have to pay for living in this planet . Bloody What ??

Where education system is the worst of the millennium . From time unknown, the rote learning prevailed and prevails . Mug up something, by-heart the answer to the core , vomit onto the answer paper without even understanding the basic concept.

The person with the longest memory holding capacity wins the race , whereas the “weaklings” perish !! Woof !! Behold our education system !

Where more money is spent on War and Defense , rather than in eradicating poverty .

Where beauty is defined by society .

Where 80 % of the resources are held by the elite 10% of the people , where the rich walks miles to digest  his food and the poor walk miles begging for some food. Oh ! the irony !

Where film stars are paid more than teachers and doctors combined .

Where people have 2500 friends on Facebook and not 2 friends to frankly talk to in real life .

Where rudeness is seen as strength and crying a sign of weakness.

Where cosmetics promises and guarantees to make you more fairer , so that you can “rise” in your life .

Just observe the world around you . Don’t judge , just observe .

A love-affair with life.

I'm Flyingggg !

I’m Flyingggg !

When  you look around , there is nothing .
Well If you agree with me , you must be blind, dumb and deaf . Simply speaking ,dead.

Just look around .Pure energy . Take a Deep Breath and quieten that mind of yours. Chitter- Chatter , Bak-Bak .

Stop. Freeze.

Breath for a second. Breath in by your big belly .

Read a book.

Listen to great music.

Hug a loved one. Feel the warmth.

Feast your eyes on great paintings ,photographs.

Talk to kids about their favourite superhero.

Send a thank-you note your Mom , She carried you for 9 months in her belly . That’s Something .

G0 out for a ride .

Dance like nobody’s watching .

Have you ever danced truly ? Letting your body flow with music , with its beats .
Have you ?
I don’t mean the organized dance you see on soaps on TV . No , not that one .

Pump up the music ,

Dance like a river. Jump. Scream . Move your hands. Thump your feet . Feel the dance flowing through body, let all emotions turn into dance – love,hatred, joy, your ex .

Dance like the world is going to end . Dance so crazily , so insanely like you love the world and everybody in it.

Dance your way to existence.

Finally let the dance transcend you to Ecstasy and I will meet you there , my wonderful friend.

Beautifying Death .

I missed you so much .

I missed you so much .

Just I was exploring the ways around a gorge , I saw a hill , just a little short of being called a mountain .  It looked Majestic . As I was poetically admiring the pristine beauty of this hill , my cycle , she gave a jerk citing me to take her there.

I knew she was pumped , from the moment she saw the hill. So steep , such awesome speed . Who knows ?, I might cross the speed -barrier and time travel .

I felt all charged up like an electric rod , my blood was furiously moving through my veins to her metallic body . She was roaring to go.

The handle trembled with excitement and unbridled enthusiasm , the sight of the hill was visual orgasm to both of us .

I slowly walked with her , climbing , perspiring . Air became lighter , a little difficult to breath , Challenging .

I reached the top of the hill after a 30-minute trek . It is worth it , I knew.
I saw the whole valley from there , houses , so small , you could hide with your fingers.
White mist completely covered the moss filled hill .

I peered down the slope , death greeted me with a smirk .

I got to the summit  and sitting on the seat of my cycle. I  contemplated my life.  Cowardice was the only adjective I could prize myself.
This is the last time , i thought and smiled .

I placed her on the steep , taking in the air , filling my lungs . I felt a chill. I let go of her brakes . She hissed and moved along . Slowly I gained speed . The steepness got the better of her , she was accelerating now . Little by little , I was losing control over her .  It felt good.

I moved my shoulders voraciously to control her . No luck .
I knew I was well above 60 kph now.
Even the mighty wind was pushing , I felt so light . He whispered into my ears “woooooooh ” . Cold .

She came like an avalanche now . I had been in too much trains to know that I was going well past 90 kph .
Exhilarating  , I feel so much alive now . This is life , I mused.

She was moving so fast .  My side-views were just running images , to fast to comprehend . Green , yellow, Green. Colors

Suddenly , I hear a thump sound . My cycle crashing against something solid , morbid . I felt the jolt and I was jerked from my seat , I lost the grip on the handle.

I was in the air . Flying . Falling . I saw my front tire , all crumbled and shapeless .
It felt like an eternity , I was floating, gravity was doing his best . I waggled my hands and legs like a dog.
Time had slowed down . A sudden glimpse of flight , freedom from this mortal world .
I felt like a monk , so peaceful . I knew i was falling and I was going to die . Yet fear did not get hold of me .
I was enthralled , mortified , petrified , confused , dazzled . A concussion of emotions .

This what birds feel everyday , I thought .

I saw the ground , so raw and pure. It was fast approaching , way too fast . A thumping sound , motionless I fell on the ground , A wreck .

I knew I was dying , young .
I felt genuinely happy for the first time in life , not a coward anymore.

Blood oozed from everywhere .
And I lie on the ground,  hair over my face ,dead , Grinning at the world . I won .

Who am I ?

You are super !

You are super !

Standing in the shower for 54 minutes makes your body a little numb , sponge-like , sunken in .

ah ! Showering ! One of the most beautiful things man discovered !

Most philosophical questions arise while showering ( to me , at least ) . Such Serenity , such pristine beauty. Peace , detached from the outer world, just water and you .

Water dropping on your skin , plop ! plop ! Working through your hair flawlessly . Do you see the beauty in it ?
Next time you shower , just observe and feel . You will never get out of shower , trust me !

Opposite of the shower , stands a mirror. Reflecting , no lies.
I looked at myself in the mirror , naked , water drooping all over me .

And I asked the most philosophical question a man can ask (in fact every person has asked this question in some point of their life ) . Who Am I ?

It’s a very powerful questions. Three words , shakes your ground , trembling i looked at myself in the staring mirror.

Who in the world am I ?
Am I just a name ?
Am I just a body ?
Am I just a physical manifestation of a well-organized chemical structure ?

And I kept to staring into my fathomless black eyes .

The room closed in on me , crushing me .
I saw a boy running , just running like on a tread-mill going nowhere and he began drowning into the sand , crying and yelling , at-last I saw his hand above the sand  , last call for help.

I realized it had been me who was drowning and It had been I who was witnessing .

Running from fears . Running and yelping for help.

Slowly, a rumble in the sand , a small earth-quake . Two hands protruded, uneasy,  pointing to heaven . Mouth full of dirt , barely opening his eyes muffled with sand I saw the same boy fighting the sand , thrashing with all his might and shouting . His face covered with sand , yet he fought , beating the sand with his fist , his forearms. Agony . A sudden spurt of courage , an instinct to live. He kicked his legs out of the sand , he stood on top of it , yelled , his throat sore. ‘ I’m courage , I’m Life .

Suddenly my body went limb. Bliss ,over my life.  I jumped off the room , ran into the  street , naked and laughing , like a madman.

ah ! Hmm..Meditate on this question.. Who Am I (while showering of course ) Share your answers here.

And I end with a famous quote

“There are two kinds of  people in the world , those who pee in their showers and others , bloody liars ”