Letter(s) to my quondam girlfriend.

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[Painting by Henrietta Harris]

Sipping black tea and looking at the clouds reminds me of you.  You are now an occasional, rare thought. Sometimes.
There are mornings where I long to see you and evenings where I miss your warm company over the cup of tea.

Now, you seem like a long lost dream.

Now, when you walk by me, all  those memories don’t crush me like a ten-foot wave used to. I’m ( safely) in my own island.

There are  few days when emptiness surrounds me like thick fog. Sometimes, I wish you would’ve been there with a lantern, holding my hand.

I was a refugee in your heart. Seeking to empty the emptiness and the weight of the world. And you’ve kept me through storms and nightmares, bouts of existential crisis and small things that had upset me.

I have learned to live with myself now. It is okay. Sometimes, I crash onto the floor and break into a million pieces. That is okay, I have been getting good at collecting myself back.

Every thought of you brings a smile across my face. Even after I left you, the poems haven’t. You were (are) an incredible muse. Every moment with you was poetry. There was not a single day that I have not written a line or two after seeing/talking/holding you.

I think my soul still lingers,
‘still’,
somewhere in your palms.

Don’t worry, this is not me trying to get back. For you’re a ship and I am a solitary traveler. I’ve reached ashore and have bid you goodbye.  We have our own journeys through oceans and land.

Perhaps one day, we will meet along the same street, see each other and maybe, smile a bit inside.

I’m ever grateful for your existence.

At the bottom of my heart, you will forever be a sweet memory, ever cherished.

 

Zach Lebowsky.

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