I was living on cheap cigarettes, and biscuits. The day seems bleak. There is too much light in this world. I blink like fuck. I don’t like to go outside. I haven’t taken a bath in four days. All my money is going on cigarettes. The city is gloomy. As I take the puff from the burning filter, my life is not getting any better. Sleep is for the fortunate. Even if you’re living in paradise, insomnia can make it hell. Landlord lady’s cat is sleeping outside my door and I’m jealous. Sleep is for the privileged.
I’m on the roof of the building. Eight floors up and the city is no better. Stinking people, stinking lives. This is my last cigarette, these are my last moments. My mother used to tell to me to follow my dreams. Thank god she is dead. I don’t like this hat on top of my head. But, I would like to die decent, at least. The hat will fly away when I jump. Hopefully, it will glide along and fall into my head, covering the shame.
The cigarette is over and I throw the butt to the ground. Race.I’m falling. I can’t see my life flash before my eyes. I can’t remember the people I love. I can only see the concrete pavement ready to embrace me. I kiss the ground with my forehead. I sink into the ground. My mind is growing hazy and I’m swimming in my blood. As my eyes search for her, the cigarette butt had fallen right in front of me. I lost the race.